Hello all,
This morning I was eating my over easy eggs and toast. Without thinking, I poked one tine of my fork into the yolk of my egg and felt a sort of insane creative interest in the way the yellow meandered around my plate.
Then I realized that actual grown ups probably don't do this. Kids do this.
And I thought "It's probably a really good thing that the world doesn't require us to take standardized tests to prove we are, indeed, grown ups.
With this alarming, sci-fi, 'Big Brotherish' thought in mind, I dug out some paper and began jotting down all the ways I'd probably fail said test.
I made the egg number 1.
1. Plays with over easy egg yolk.
2. Eats marshmallow surprises first out of "Lucky Charms"
3. Likes chocolate pudding. Has been known to lick pudding cup.
4. Prefers to color with crayons whenever possible.
5. Enjoys playdough. Even likes the smell.
6. Eats apple slices in a watermelon-esque style, then takes perverse pleasure in eating the "rind"
7. Eats Kraft Mac and Cheese. Happily.
8. Reads comics first in a newspaper
9. Likes bugs. Except for roaches. ugh.
10. Oreos: Takes apart cookie. Gnaws off creme center. Dips each half in milk.
11. Still giggles when packages of hot dogs are labeled "weenies"
12. Appreciates a good couch cushion fort
13. Can't resist playing in streams and rivers when encountered
14. Regularly puts stupid things on head
15. Prone to wearing stained shirts.
16. Frequently makes 'hand bubbles' with dish soap when dishes are done
17. Snarfs down Reeses Peanut Butter cups. Eats zigzag edges first. Works way to peanut butter center
18. Thinks tadpoles are amazing
19. Enjoys that goop in the bottom of the dish that gathers as an ice cream sundae melts
20. Fascinated by "Sing a ma jigs" singing toys. Sorely tempted to start buying them all.
21. Needs a hard hat and elbow pads whenever wearing high heels.
22. Prefers Sneakers.
23. With cartoon shoelaces.
24. Believes all bandaids should have cartoon faces printed on them.
25. Enjoys bubble gum way too much
26. Has been known to put a tiny roll of tape on bottom of cats foot just to giggle while it walks funny and shoots her dirty looks
27. Trips over own feet. Frequently.
28. Chews ice. Doesn't stop even when whole head is frozen
29. Enjoys marbles.
30. Absent mindedly folds any piece of paper into an elementary school fortune teller
31. Actually knows how to fold an elementary school fortune teller
32. Dunks peanut butter and jelly sandwich in milk.
33. Eats pieces of candy corn in layers.
34. Puts candy corn on teeth as fangs.
35. When faced with Pringles potato chips, feels compelling need to make a duck beak.
36. Has been known to sculpt mashed potatoes
37. Eats jelly or creme filled donuts by first sucking out filling
38. Secretly squirts whipped cream directly into mouth. (careful not to actually touch spout with lips. Gross)
39. Has been known to peel Rubik's Cube stickers off and place in new spots due to utter inability to solve the thing honestly
40. When making campfire s'mores, must always set a few marshmallows on fire.
41. Enjoys Mr. Potato Head
42. Can still get caught up in building something with Legos
43. Still enjoys Sesame Street. Especially the one where Ernie tries to go to sleep by imagining "quiet" things to count, and then scares Bert out of his wits by exploding an imaginary balloon. Heh heh.
I'm pretty sure that this list disqualifies me for the title "Adult". Perhaps I can be a "Quasi-Adult" or "Exo-Adult" wherein I look like an Adult on the outside, but am actually around 8 years old on the inside.
The good news is that these very things that probably make you wonder about my sanity are exactly the kinds of things that feed into my joy for teaching. Because when I take off my grown up, curriculum planning, assessment making, organized disguise, I'm right in there with the kids, getting just as messy and excited as they are.
After all, I like bugs.
Until next time.
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