So I was reminiscing a bit today about bygone decades.
And I was musing about what is important to children today. Video games. Nickelodeon shows. Youtube videos. Various cycles of collectible rubber band bracelets/temporary tattoos/tiny plastic toys.
But way back when in the early 70's when I was a kid, it was all about the CANDY.
It was all about being able to go to a convenience store and gape at bin after bin of 10 cent, 20 cent, 30 cent candy. And it wasn't just the boring miss-mash of chocolate bar variations we have now (each of which costs nearly $1 may I remind you).
The candy in the 70's was creative, potent and at times even dangerous.
For example:
Candy of Questionable Example
Back in the 70's, some candies sought to mimic grown up pursuits. Case in point: the array of candies available that gave kids the semblance of smoking, but substituted sugar for tobacco. I must admit that once in a while I chewed on a bubble gum cigarette, or took a few nibbles of a candy cigarette, mostly because I came from a family of smokers, so seeing people smoke was a big part of my life and, well, there were the candy cigarettes. However, like so many faulty assumptions, the consuming of candy cigarettes and bubble gum cigars does NOT immediately lead to a life of smoking (for that matter, neither did growing up around smokers), since I have never smoked anything in my life. Except, of course, for candy cigarettes.
Bubble gum cigars. I never really got into these giant wads of gum. They were too big to chew in one sitting, but didn't keep well since the unchewed gum, once unwrapped, solidified into a rock within 30 minutes. These still enjoy a kind of popularity as retro baby shower and new baby party favors, but seem to be well off the kid radar as a potential treat.
Bubble gum cigarettes. Especially enjoyable if the candy company added some powdered sugar between the bubble gum and the paper, thus affording the young bubble blower a puff or two of simulated smoke.
And candy cigarettes. These were actually bizarre little sticks of quasi peppermint that I never fully enjoyed all that much. Sort of a Pepto-Bismol meets Tums sort of flavor. The only thing cigarettey about these was the box.
Candy of Inherent Danger
There were also a selection of candies that posed specific dangers--usually dental--to any kid brave enough to take a chomp.
Jawbreakers. I mean, really. The candy is NAMED "Jawbreaker". It's like they didn't even bother to disguise the danger, but just put it right out there. While I have never actually heard of anyone breaking their jaw on these things, I have heard of plenty of kids (and adults) who have done some pretty good damage to their teeth from chomping down on any one of the enticing rainbow layers of these diamond-hard treats. And if one got a GIANT jawbreaker, they also had the less-hazardous but equally troubling problem of finding a way to hold the thing while eating it so that the super-glue-esque sugary stickiness didn't run down one's hand or arm. Overall a visually lovely, but highly annoying candy.
Perhaps the most dangerous candy of all. The "Abba Zaba". Taffy plus peanut butter. If a person ate it straight after buying it, they immediately ran the risk of ripping their teeth and/or dental work right out of their mouth, or at the very least cementing their jaws together for the next hour while they waited for their saliva to dissolve the taffy. Wait a while before eating it and they first had the challenge of getting the gelatinous, partially melted mass out of the wrapper, since it adhered to anything it touched once it began softening in heat (Associated warning: Don't put Abba Zabas into your pocket.). If they placed the thus warmed goo into their mouth, they found themselves chewing for the next 3 hours. And chewing was precisely what we had to do because swallowing it in any kind of warmed state immediately required the Heimlich maneuver.
Candy That Made You Go "Huh???"
While I could go on all day listing weird candy from my childhood, I'll end this blog posting with all the candies that made us wonder about the possible sanity of candy companies. These candies were of such questionable intensity, design or purpose that you weren't even sure you liked them all that much. You would eat them, of course. But you weren't quite sure if you were enjoying yourself, or were simply the victim of some sort of subliminal dare.
Wax lips. Done right, and these had a sort of pleasant semi-sweet flavor and a texture somewhere between bubble gum and a soft cookie. Done wrong, and you found yourself eating what was essentially a wickless candle. Nevermind the possible analysis of why kids would try to actually eat a pair of lips (the cannibalistic undertones only occurred to me as an adult.) The best one could say about these was that they were usually some of the cheapest candies (?!) around.
Nik-L-Nip's were in the same vein as wax lips. I don't know who thought up these tiny edible wax bottles of quasi Kool Aid. They weren't big enough to really enjoy. The wax wasn't even remotely flavored, and the liquid inside was usually not sweet enough to mask the overall weirdness of eating these. So why did I eat them? Hey, I was a kid. Why not eat them?
Pixy Stix. Ahh yes. The much maligned tubes of straight sugar, flavored with overpowering fruit essences that made your tongue retreat down your throat and the insides of your mouth pucker into last week. These were typically difficult to eat, since the paper tubing would become moist and collapse in on itself. It was always tempting to just chomp the whole thing, paper and all, since inevitably you'd get half way done and have to resort to getting sticky fingers as you tried to tear the paper down far enough to reach the rest of the powder. Every single kid in the 70's (and probably now as well, since these things are still sold in stores, especially around Halloween), tried to make them more palatable by adding them to water with the intention of creating a spiffy beverage. Alas, they never actually cooperated with the water, and we all ended up choking down what tasted vaguely like badly sweetened watery lemonade. But we still bought them. In fact, we were so dedicated to these little tubes of straight sugar that we bought....
Giant Pixy Stix! When one tiny tube of instant sugar wasn't enough, we could go out and buy a giant one! Nearly a meter of tart terror at our disposal! Joy!
Personally, I stuck to the small paper tubes, although these giant Pixy Stix had one big advantage: namely, they were sold in plastic tubes (think giant soda straws) that never got wet and collapsed closed. The down side of this, of course, was that if you weren't paying attention, you could pour most of a cup of straight sugar down your throat, which was, I promise you, uncomfortable, and could, I argue, push the Giant Pixy Stick into the category of Dangerous Candies.
Okay everyone. I've exhausted my trip down the candy coated memory lane for now. Suffice it to say that I was probably lucky that I made it into adult hood with all my teeth and without any serious side effects from consuming tubes of straight sugar or eating candles cleverly disguised as candy.
Now excuse me while I go eat some Pop Rocks and drink some Diet Coke.
Until next time....
Back in the 70's, some candies sought to mimic grown up pursuits. Case in point: the array of candies available that gave kids the semblance of smoking, but substituted sugar for tobacco. I must admit that once in a while I chewed on a bubble gum cigarette, or took a few nibbles of a candy cigarette, mostly because I came from a family of smokers, so seeing people smoke was a big part of my life and, well, there were the candy cigarettes. However, like so many faulty assumptions, the consuming of candy cigarettes and bubble gum cigars does NOT immediately lead to a life of smoking (for that matter, neither did growing up around smokers), since I have never smoked anything in my life. Except, of course, for candy cigarettes.
Candy of Inherent Danger
There were also a selection of candies that posed specific dangers--usually dental--to any kid brave enough to take a chomp.
Candy That Made You Go "Huh???"
While I could go on all day listing weird candy from my childhood, I'll end this blog posting with all the candies that made us wonder about the possible sanity of candy companies. These candies were of such questionable intensity, design or purpose that you weren't even sure you liked them all that much. You would eat them, of course. But you weren't quite sure if you were enjoying yourself, or were simply the victim of some sort of subliminal dare.
Personally, I stuck to the small paper tubes, although these giant Pixy Stix had one big advantage: namely, they were sold in plastic tubes (think giant soda straws) that never got wet and collapsed closed. The down side of this, of course, was that if you weren't paying attention, you could pour most of a cup of straight sugar down your throat, which was, I promise you, uncomfortable, and could, I argue, push the Giant Pixy Stick into the category of Dangerous Candies.
Okay everyone. I've exhausted my trip down the candy coated memory lane for now. Suffice it to say that I was probably lucky that I made it into adult hood with all my teeth and without any serious side effects from consuming tubes of straight sugar or eating candles cleverly disguised as candy.
Now excuse me while I go eat some Pop Rocks and drink some Diet Coke.
Until next time....
