My Self-Evident Truths

I've spent the past week writing increasingly bitter drafts of blogposts that I will never post.  It's not that I'm ashamed of expressing my sorrow,  my anger, my fear, my sense of free-floating betrayal that has nowhere to land.

I will never share these blogposts because sending more bitterness, anger and pain out into the world solves nothing.   I may earn a handful of thumbs up, a few comments of either support or condemnation, and then I'll still be left with the lingering, bitter  tastes of sorrow and fear long after the anger has burned away.

This is called self-control, and it is something that a wide swath of the American people have dropped like a hot rock.

I urge you to take a moment to consider the role of self-control in our lives, in our society.

Self-control is what urges us to get out of bed when the alarm clock blares at 5am, instead of just turning it off and continuing to snooze our lives away.

Self-control is what advises our brains to follow the rules of the road when we drive, to stop for pedestrians, to not cuss out co-workers, bosses, partners, spouses when their words or actions infuriate us.  Self-control is what enables us to follow the laws of our country even when, or especially when, we disagree with them.

Self-control is what each teacher and parent tries to model, encourage, teach  as they guide children towards being participating members of our communities and countries.

And here is where it starts.  In childhood.

Whatever else I may or may not have in common with  minister and author Robert Fulghum, I think he and I can agree that "everything [we] really need to know [we] learned in Kindergarten".

I believe this now more than ever.  I have always believed it.

Within the bright walls and tiny tables of preschools and Kindergartens across this nation, across the world, new and tiny humans take their first steps towards  the dubious goal of becoming adult humans.

And what are the first lessons taught in those first days and weeks of preschool and Kindergarten?

Watching eyes.
Listening ears.
Walking feet.
Kind words.
Hands of friendship.

Every  student I've ever had  started their year  learning a variation of these five first lessons. The younger the student, the simpler the lessons and the older the student the more in-depth the lessons--but the lessons remain the same.

Throughout the year I build on these first lessons, encouraging my students to wrestle with the rights and wrongs, to join in conversations about the fine lines between themselves and others.

Everyone has feelings.
Everyone has opinions.
Respect yourself and respect others.
No means no.
Be the helper.
Ask for help.
All questions are real; there are no dumb questions.
You deserve to be you.
Our diversity is exciting and beautiful, but in our hearts we are more alike than different.

This is the foundation I have always built for my students and, I hope, for my children.   This is the foundation that allows learning to happen because a community cannot work together if its members lack the self-control to simply BE together.

So what does this have to do with what is happening now in the United States, now in the wake of one of the ugliest, most divisive and horrifying presidential elections in American history?

Everything.

I will concede that the media feeds us the stories that will sell--and those stories are seldom  tales of compassion and kindness.  However it's not just the fickle media telling the stories.  Now our neighbors, friends and acquaintances are telling the stories...

...stories about hate speech and slurs, racist, sexist, homophobic graffiti, blatant confrontations.   Our cities are full of protests both peaceful and not.

Our citizens who look, speak or act anything but white and/or straight are being attacked online, verbally and physically.  Our students who look, speak or act anything but white and/or straight are being bullied in their schools.

And yes, in some cases terrified, angry and frustrated members of our diverse communities are fighting back.

Blame is being flung--

-it is Donald Trump's fault
-it is Hillary Clinton's fault
-it is the fault of immigrants
-it is the fault of the media.

These are all wrong.

I would argue that, yes,  Donald Trump has been a catalyst for the ugly, horrifying behavior we are seeing.  His election was rife with a lack of self-control.  He prides himself on saying what he thinks no matter how offensive or even ridiculous,  and the confused, angry and/or frustrated swath of largely white Americans seem to  admire what they see and hear as forthrightness and honesty.

But the real  blame doesn't rest with Donald Trump.

America was born in the shadow of the same impulses, the same kinds of rationalization for cruelty and distrust that we are seeing now.

We have always had this shadow behind and beneath us.  It has been there, diminished and waiting, when we've been at our best and it has grown when we've been at our worst.

This shadow trailed across this country as each state was claimed from the homes, lives and blood of Native American tribes that were pushed so far from their foundations that they barely recognized themselves.

This shadow followed each slave ship that docked and  it rested beneath the feet of slaves yearning to be free.

It lurked behind the barbed wire of Japanese-American internment camps.

It has always, and continues to stubbornly drag at every person fighting to have equal rights--black citizens fighting segregation and racism, Native Americans trying to cling to their land, culture and way of life, women battling for control over their own bodies, women reaching out for equal pay and power.

The list seems endless.

This shadow trailed behind our LGBTQ citizens who fought and fight to be able to live their lives in peace, to have the right to love who they love and marry who they love.

This shadow has continued to grow,  huge, dark and frightening, behind immigrants seeking a home-- or seeking to keep their home.

It is the shadow of intolerance and many times ignorance.  It feeds on fear and frustration and breeds the confusion and conflict from which our wars and battles have been consistently born.

Perhaps as long as we are human this shadow is inescapable, for this shadow exists everywhere, in every human society.

But just because it is inescapable does not mean we should accept it.

The challenge of our species is to rise above this shadow.  To accept that we are all eternally children, always growing, never finished learning, never perfect but also never without hope.

I have accepted this challenge.  Now more than ever I must continue to learn, to grow and, if I can, to help others along the way.

And to live by the same rules I give my students:

Watching eyes.
Listening ears.
Walking feet.
Kind words.
Hands of friendship.

Maybe right now especially hands of friendship.